The day is finally here. 4 years after my last trip to Nepal, I am finally returning. I know that I am returning to a different country than the one I knew 4 years ago. This year has been very tough in Nepal, with the King closing the country earlier in the year.

The past few days have been incredibly hectic. A flurry of last minute activity to finish the contract, pack, fly to a funeral, repack, run those last minute errands…

Once the final bag was packed and loaded into the car, the ‘nerves’ hit. I am not sure that nerves is the proper term, but it is fairly descriptive. I think it is something deeper than simple nervousness. It is a very strong emotion laying just below the surface, pushing, wanting to break free. As difficult as it is to hold it under, it would be more difficult to let it loose.

After we parked the car, I went to get checked in while Mindy ran to a shop to buy me a lock and a couple of luggage tags (always forget something at the last minute). To my immense relief, both bags were just under the 32kg limit (29.8 and 26.9). When Mindy returned, I filled out the first luggage tag without any problem. Then my hands started shaking and my handwriting, not all that neat to begin with, became very bad.

We found a restaurant and had a little dinner. Nothing really looked good, but I know that I needed to eat something. My nerves made dinner rather interesting. Odd thoughts would come to mind, last minute details would interrupt. Fortunately, Mindy is a patient friend and put up with me with a mild sense of amusement.

After picking at my salad and making a poor attempt at conversation, we left the restaurant and walked back to my car. I left my carry on bags in the car as I did not want to carry them around any more than necessary. I turned over my cell phone and car keys to Mindy (free from both car and phone for 5 weeks!), grabbed my bags, said my ‘farewell’ and headed back into the airport.

Parting is always difficult for me. Even one as temporary as this still raises strong feelings. The sky around the airport was dark and gloomy, remnants of a terrific thunderstorm that rolled through moments before. My mood seemed to reflect the sky…or perhaps it was the opposite.

(Second version after a little inspiration)

It was a dark and stormy night…oh, how often do you get to use such a classic intro. And yet, somehow, it is so appropriate and accurate. As we drove to the airport, there were clouds building on the horizon, obscuring the mountains. At the same time, a feeling, vague, unsettled, yet very strong, was building within me. I hate to call it ‘nerves’ as it was stronger, subtler, darker than the normal nervousness that creeps in before a job interview or first date (not dissimilar events). Like the black-blue clouds of the approaching storm that hide the real strength and fury of the storm, my surface was unsettled, but the tempest inside me was building, waiting to be unleashed. Not all clouds produce rain and lightning, would the subtle storm within me pass with mild disturbance or would it break strong?

The first wave of the storm hit me as I was filling out the 2nd luggage tag. The wind that heralds the change in the weather unsteadied my hand, reducing my writing to the level of an unsure 4th grader. At dinner, the storm began to unleash itself, flashes of lightning intruded, even though we were well protected under the mountainous tarps of the airport. These flashes were accompanied by phone calls, last minute details, the sporadic forkful of salad. we finished dinner and talked for awhile, waiting for the storm to pass, the storm outside.

The time had come to face the building climax, the height of fury, of the storm inside. We walked back to the car, parked unprotected from the black-blue clouds still covering the sky and mountains. The ground was wet and glistening under the terminal lights, reminding me that, though we had not felt the fury of the storm, it had happened all the same.

I handed over the keys and cellphone, the last tangible ties to home. As I collected my carry on bags, the fullness of the storm raging inside me revealed itself within…perhaps without as well? Saying farewell, holding the final embrace for a second more, the lightning within cracked and rained poured over my soul and spirit, this was the moment.

I struggled to keep the storm from coming to the surface, though I am certain that Mindy could sense it with my posture, my eyes. I turned away and made my way to the “safety” of the terminal, stopping once to glance back, finally letting go of the bittersweet moment.